Saturdays: A Journey.

Tomorrow, I vow to do the following:

1. Work for several hours before/after babysitting
2. Babysit my old kids for the evening
3. WORK OUT AT HOME WHILE WEARING MY HEART MONITOR

That's about it. I love weekends.

So... my hair can LOOK clean even if it's dirty?

Dry shampoo. What a brilliant, brilliant product indeed! I've been aware of its existence for years, and even purchased a bottle of overpriced junk (above on the left) about a year ago. I never quite understood how to use it (seriously, I know I'm an idiot) but I gave it another go tonight. WOW IT IS PRETTY GREAT YEAH!!! The real downside is that it's aerosol (BAD) and it turns my hair white (BAD), but I'm sure blondes wouldn't have a problem with that. Nor would old people.

I went to the drugstore tonight to pick up more generic diphenhydramine hydrochloride (you may know it as Benadryl) because I can't sleep without it, and I also bought that dry shampoo up there on the right. Apparently it contains CLAY, which is totally awesome. I like clay. And if this makes me bangs look clean even when they're sweaty and disgusting, I am very excited. Interestingly enough, this stuff is probably poison and I'm using it anyway. I don't use shampoo/conditioner/soap/anything with sulfates or parabens (unless it's accidental, which rarely happens), so this is my NaUgHTy*~*~* product. I'm terribly excited about using it.

Additionally, I need money. Give me your money.

Just a little FYI for those of you who suck.

Next time you have to send a greeting card but you're too lazy to actually go buy and mail one, please consider shopping at Hallmark.com. No, I do not work for Hallmark- I'm just enamored with the whole "pick a card, personalize it, address it, and we'll mail it for you" deal, especially because it's cheaper than doing it yourself. With a coupon code, I just mailed two greeting cards for $5.50, including stamps and tax. Uh, HELLO? AWESOME.

This service makes me want to mail things to everyone.

I'm watching "Teen Mom 2" online.

I'm seeing a cardiologist at noon. I haven't been to one since 2006 (???) and I am nervous about looking like that dude in the cartoon. I really, really, really do not like the thought of being hooked up to all sorts of machines. I'M SCARED!!!!!!!!

Hopefully nothing weird will be discovered during the EKG. If so, I'll let ya'll know how long I have to live.

Things that have happened today (i.e. almost nothing).

I saw my old friend Emma a couple of nights ago at our friend's birthday party. I hadn't seen Emma in quite a while, so it was nice to have the opportunity to catch up with her. She's been working/living on a farm up in Petaluma and I had dozens of questions for her; specifically, are there any baby farm animals she can cuddle? When she told me that there are three-month-old piglets I was bursting with joy. Until, that is, she mentioned that they will eventually be slaughtered and eaten. Now, I've been vegetarian since January 1999 (my twelve year anniversary is this month! Hurray!!!), so hearing about this made me slightly queasy. How can you eat your pets? She told me about how they slaughter the chickens, too; they pet them gently and calm them down until they're relaxed and then slice their throats.

Earlier today, I asked my mom to bring home an iced soy latte for me. When she arrived, she sat down with me and I told her about seeing Emma and then decided to tell her all about what Emma had told me about living on the farm. When I casually mentioned the story about the chickens, I looked up to see my mom crying, which made me laugh hysterically. Omnivore's guilt? It was absolutely hilarious. She couldn't stop laughing and crying, which made me explode with laughter. Every single time I would calm down enough to start talking again, there she was, glassy eyes and all. It was pure comedic gold.

Aside from that, today has been a big pile of NOTHING. I think my boyfriend and I have worked out our next travel plans, which will be over Valentine's Day after all. I AM EXCITED YAY!!!!!!

My ideal Valentine's Day.

I am entitled to this pathetic display of corporate-based holiday lust solely given the fact that I have never had a real Valentine's Day. I've had 24 February 14ths in my lifetime, and not one of them has had one shred of romantic value. When I was 16 I was given a heart-shaped cardboard box filled with Jolly Ranchers, courtesy of a freshman who had a crush on me. Flattering? Sure. Embarrassing? HELL YES. It was in the middle of my algebra II class and everyone saw it happen; it was awkward and the silence of my classmates was overwhelming. Despite my crimson face, I couldn't help but feel a burst of excitement that someone had gone out of his way to spend $3 on me.

The only other Valentines I've ever received have been left out on the kitchen counter from my parents. I will even go so far as to admit that they leave a card for me "from" my cat, which is funny and never gets old. And as hilarious as it may be, I'm finally yearning for a "real" Valentine's Day, complete with all of the crap that usually makes me want to barf. Why doesn't the world partake in the whole everyone gives everyone they know a Snoopy Valentine with perforated edges stuck into a tiny novelty envelope and maybe a piece of chocolate wrapped in pink and red foil? Wasn't that nice? I always enjoyed decorating my shoebox for Valentine's Day; the best part was seeing your classmates stuff things into that little slot (shhh).

These days I am 25-years-old and nobody does that sort of thing, most unfortunately. At this age, everyone has a boyfriend or girlfriend (or both... I'm not judging) to supply the sappy Valentine's Day crap. Now I have a boyfriend of my very own; as I recall, one who isn't particularly keen on the Hallmark holiday paraphernalia, but I'm still hoping he will indulge me so I can at least have one romantic holiday in my life. Just one.

This is how I envision the day...

We wake up in our economy motel room in Anaheim. He lets me sleep in; I am awoken to a kiss and a card. We get dressed (in cute clothing, of course; I'd be wearing a casual red dress) and head out to Disneyland, where we enter the park holding hands. We sit down at the Carnation Cafe for a breakfast of croissants and hot chocolate, and then begin our stroll through the park. He can't resist buying me a stuffed animal, which I accept with a shy smile and hug to my chest. We go on all of my favorite rides, all the while cuddling and kissing throughout the day. As the sun begins to set, we leave the park for our romantic dinner reservation. We drink glasses of red wine over a nice dinner and gaze into one another's eyes. We head back to the park for fireworks, and he buys me a silver ring from one of the shops along Main Street; he slides it into my finger and he kisses my forehead.

That's as far as I've gotten, because it's too unrealistic to continue my fantasy. Aside from that, my cat is meowing incessantly and it is hurting my brain.

And on another note...

I wish I had lots of money so I could buy lots of things, such as...

If you feel so inclined, the link to my wishlist is on your right ; )