Tuesday, January 11, 2011

My ideal Valentine's Day.

I am entitled to this pathetic display of corporate-based holiday lust solely given the fact that I have never had a real Valentine's Day. I've had 24 February 14ths in my lifetime, and not one of them has had one shred of romantic value. When I was 16 I was given a heart-shaped cardboard box filled with Jolly Ranchers, courtesy of a freshman who had a crush on me. Flattering? Sure. Embarrassing? HELL YES. It was in the middle of my algebra II class and everyone saw it happen; it was awkward and the silence of my classmates was overwhelming. Despite my crimson face, I couldn't help but feel a burst of excitement that someone had gone out of his way to spend $3 on me.

The only other Valentines I've ever received have been left out on the kitchen counter from my parents. I will even go so far as to admit that they leave a card for me "from" my cat, which is funny and never gets old. And as hilarious as it may be, I'm finally yearning for a "real" Valentine's Day, complete with all of the crap that usually makes me want to barf. Why doesn't the world partake in the whole everyone gives everyone they know a Snoopy Valentine with perforated edges stuck into a tiny novelty envelope and maybe a piece of chocolate wrapped in pink and red foil? Wasn't that nice? I always enjoyed decorating my shoebox for Valentine's Day; the best part was seeing your classmates stuff things into that little slot (shhh).

These days I am 25-years-old and nobody does that sort of thing, most unfortunately. At this age, everyone has a boyfriend or girlfriend (or both... I'm not judging) to supply the sappy Valentine's Day crap. Now I have a boyfriend of my very own; as I recall, one who isn't particularly keen on the Hallmark holiday paraphernalia, but I'm still hoping he will indulge me so I can at least have one romantic holiday in my life. Just one.

This is how I envision the day...

We wake up in our economy motel room in Anaheim. He lets me sleep in; I am awoken to a kiss and a card. We get dressed (in cute clothing, of course; I'd be wearing a casual red dress) and head out to Disneyland, where we enter the park holding hands. We sit down at the Carnation Cafe for a breakfast of croissants and hot chocolate, and then begin our stroll through the park. He can't resist buying me a stuffed animal, which I accept with a shy smile and hug to my chest. We go on all of my favorite rides, all the while cuddling and kissing throughout the day. As the sun begins to set, we leave the park for our romantic dinner reservation. We drink glasses of red wine over a nice dinner and gaze into one another's eyes. We head back to the park for fireworks, and he buys me a silver ring from one of the shops along Main Street; he slides it into my finger and he kisses my forehead.

That's as far as I've gotten, because it's too unrealistic to continue my fantasy. Aside from that, my cat is meowing incessantly and it is hurting my brain.


  1. with all the classic magic of your ideal valentine's day, it's only fair that it ends with one great blowjob or some amazing sex. just to be fair to your boyfriend.